Folks have wanted to know how Ben is doing with this whole thing. He has told us he doesn't miss Alex, that he hated Alex, that he was scared that Alex was going to kill him and that he's glad Alex is living somewhere else because now he doesn't have to wait all the time (he's heard "Ben, you're going to have to wait!", "Wait, Ben!", "Not now, Ben...you need to wait!" and more whenever we've been in the middle of dealing with Alex). The pediatrician assures us that this is normal, and is his five-year-old way of letting us know what bugged him the most...and not to take it personally. He is excited about going to visit Alex, and he's planning a little birthday party for him with a bunch of balloons, musical toys, a cake and cupcakes for our May visit. We've told him that Alex is living in a different place that will make him feel happier and help him better. Ben knows that it's the Tuberous Sclerosis (or as he says, "Tooseburgerlosis") that makes Alex act out the way he does. It's been business as usual for Ben. He's playing and doing all the stuff he did before, with no mention of "Where's Alex?" or anything of the sort.
As for Jeremy and me, this weekend has be a bit tough...just because we have all sorts of time now that we aren't used to. I'm sure we'll get used to it, but for now the lack of things needing to be done is just another reminder that Alex is gone.
3 comments:
Wow, this sounds so hard for you. I am so glad Ben is coping with things as best he can and that you are trying to focus on the positive. Seems that dwelling on the sadness and the void right now might just make you fall over with grief.
I love you guys.
And also, I got to tell you that when one of my girls goes away to Grandma's, its' like 2 weeks before the others even mention her. Some of that is just normal sibling stuff. And of course alot of it is Ben so happy that more of his needs can get met at the instant he feels them.
Kids say things they don't mean when they can't fully understand what is happening. I think Ben will express himself better when the stress associated with Alex is not so immediate and he has a bit more time. I can't even imagine being the younger sibling of a child that stays a child. I'm thinking of you guys. Hugs.
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