update

I'm really sorry for the delay in getting an update written up. Have spent very little time on the computer the past week.

On Monday, we signed the papers to have Alex placed outside the home. We got some good news...that because it is a "voluntary placement", we retain full parental rights. Anything and everything still has to be run by us first, and we get the final say. We could bring him home at any time, as well.

We decided he'd first go to a short stay place (3-6 months maximum), called Discovery, which is a state-run facility that is there to help stabilize everything (medications, behaviors, etc) before he would move on to the long-term group home. This place has doctors, specialists, psychiatrists, therapists, etc that will converge on Alex and try to figure out what is going on. I'm hoping they'll do a sort of detox on him, where they'll take him off all his meds and gradually add in things if needed. He's on so much right now, it's hard to say what's helping and what's hurting.

At the time we signed the papers, they told us they'd be trying to get him into Discovery within a week or two at the most. Unfortunately, there is not going to be a bed available there until March 24th, which seems like years from now with the way Alex has been behaving. We're exhausted now, and were feeling very defeated when we heard the news a couple days later.

(We might be able to get some extra respite providers to come in and help in the meantime, but that's not set in stone yet. We also have a new medicine that we can try if things get too rough (think One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, drooling and zombie-like...not a place we want to go, but it might be necessary the way Alex is fighting). Our only other option is to drive him up to Portland and show up in the ER saying we absolutely can't do it anymore, and have him committed to the children's psych ward, in four-point restraints....something we REALLY don't want to see happen to him.)

In April/May he would move to the group home, which is located in a SW Portland neighborhood. It's home to four other kids, around his own age, all with autism. He would have his own bedroom and we'd be able to bring up his well-loved rocker/recliner to have in there with him, as well as any other personal effects that he cared for. We could go visit him anytime we wanted (which, unfortunately, due to the distance would probably only be once a month), take him to dr appts, out to the park, etc. I'm afraid he'll forget who we are, but I can't think about that right now because I'm tired of crying.

If he ends up thriving and happy, we'll likely just keep him there...which is sad now, but I think we'll just be thrilled if/when it happens. All anyone ever wants is for their kids to be happy in life. If the home can provide the structure he needs, then I'm all for it. If he isn't doing that great, then we'll probably try to get him into the local home when he turns 10...that way we can see him once a week (at the very least). Even though I still can't even imagine not having him here, I'm really hoping he'll thrive at the Portland home. It will be close to all the medical care he needs. No more having to endure 8 hours of driving to and from, an overnight stay in a strange place. There are just so many more opportunities for him up in Portland that can't be found down here: music therapy, water therapy, better schooling, better medical care.

I just have to believe this will be what is best for him. I can't see how it can be worse. We're all so exhausted and run-down...physically and emotionally. We've run out of options, and it's time to move on to the next chapter.